That's not what she said
by SarcasticBlue
Summary: A hilarious twist to the ideal boyfriend. With nations like Hungary, Belgium and Egypt joking around about what it means to "got someone's back" and "lift you up". Please read and review! Careful minor cursing!


Egypt found himself in a unfortunate situation, the world meeting was delayed because of traffic. And he was already at the meeting. He and some other nations decided to go early to avoid traffic, those other nations were respectably Hungary, Taiwan, Vietnam, Belgium, Seychelles, Liechtenstein, Belarus, Ukraine and Poland. All Egypt could hear was gossip and talk of crappy boyfriends. Which honestly made him laugh to find out that Germany has a stick that he fell in love with moments prior to meeting Italy. The girls and Poland talked, now it wasn't like Egypt was just going to butt in because in all honesty they were very close and Egypt had no clue how hard is it to pull off a miniskirt. He had no intention of finding out either. He pulled out his phone and checked Facebook to pass the time. After moments the outside world faded into the background as Egypt commented on Iran's story of how he managed to trip up the stairs.

"Egypt are you on Facebook?" Poland asked snapping Egypt out of his train of thought. Egypt turned to face Poland and nodded his head. "Might want to stay away from that because ya know like we don't need another revolution," Poland was probably being sincere but Egypt already was pissed off. So Egypt smiled and nodded. Hungary quickly reassured Egypt that it was a dare to see how he would react.

"Come talk to us!" Poland dragged Egypt by the tie and sat him next to Vietnam. Egypt didn't really mind because Vietnam was an honest person who doesn't cause trouble.

"I mean I really want a guy who doesn't curse doesn't cheat and loves me," Hungary said sincerely. She looked sullen and added, "too bad he doesn't exist. Austria is nice but I have to change myself and he is too stubborn to fix his faults and Prussia is too full of himself!" While some of the girls and Poland comforted her Egypt had no idea what to say so he kept quiet. He isn't a love doctor but Poland was.

"The perfect boyfriend doesn't drink doesn't smoke doesn't cheat and doesn't exist," Belgium relied annoyed. Egypt mentally compared that list with his friends. Greece fits all the criteria except for the drinking. Turkey fit the criteria except the smoking. Egypt thought of Cameroon, perfect match. Cameroon only drinks on rare occasions and even then it's one cup. Slowly Egypt began to wonder if he fits the criteria. Nope, he thought sadly, I have a fucking cursing problem. Egypt returned his attention to the conversation.

"I really need a boyfriend," Taiwan said happily, "you know for those cold winter nights just to snuggle up." Egypt bit back his sarcastic remark. Taiwan was a young nation she needs a teddy bear for those nights.

"Not all men are bad just the ones we know," Vietnam stated.

"I don't think so," Liechtenstein thought aloud, "there are some nice guys here." She smiled sweetly and for a moment Egypt thought he was going to get diabetes because of how sweet Liechtenstein is.

"Name three," Belarus hissed.

"Ooh Lithuania is like totally nice!" Poland declared.

"But he is an aggressive drunk," Belgium countered.

"Cameroon," Seychelles finally said earning weird looks from the rest of the group. "Never mind," she slumped back into her seat.

"What about France? He has made himself known as a lover?" Ukraine piped up. If anyone agrees, Egypt thought, I'm going to lose it.

The list continued with men that Egypt knew were just trouble and can't have an honest relationship not even if his life depended on it. Egypt could feel his head hurting when there were comments about how important it is to have a boyfriend.

"Everyone needs someone who got their back and can lift you up and keep you company on those lonely days when you feel like shit," Vietnam whispered loud enough for everyone to hear. And Egypt thought for a moment, did he have anyone like that?

"Well in a wild game of monopoly Greece bought my backbone. Technically Greece got my back, hopefully he won't remove it," Egypt paused and continued, "Turkey, Greece, Bulgaria and Romania can lift me up. They grabbed me, lifted me up and threw me into the pool. And finally someone was there for me when I felt like shit," by now the nations couldn't contain their laughter. "A while ago I went to use the bathroom in my house and I didn't know that Greece passed out in the bathtub so while I'm doing my business Greece woke up. I don't think anyone wants company when they feel like shit! Greece scared the pee out of me!" Egypt finished. By now some of the girls were clutching their stomachs at Egypt's understanding of Belgium's statement.

"How'd you not realize Greece was in the bathtub before you used the toilet?" Belarus inquired.

"Well he was laying down so I couldn't see him and he woke up to the toilet flushing so all I see is the man just rise out of my bathtub," Egypt just laughed at his own luck.

"Egypt I meant that someone who you love that can make you happy!" Belgium announced.

"Ok if I find the girl me I'll marry the shit out of myself!" Egypt teased.

"You're such a dork," Seychelles laughed. Egypt bit back a rather disturbing remark about what dork actually means.

"Ya know Egypt how about you come over for girls night in as long as you tell jokes," Hungary playfully punched Egypt's shoulder.

"Sorry but I'm busy at night is when I throw my craziest parties," Egypt replied.

"What parties?" Poland asked offended he wasn't invited.

"Monopoly night," Egypt shivered, "it gets really intense, Greece hates it." Liechtenstein watched as her friends gave Egypt a weird look. In a few short hours they managed to make the silent nation extremely talkative.

"Um excuse me Mr. Egypt but why does mr. Greece hate monopoly?" Liechtenstein asked innocently. Everyone was waiting for Egypt's answer.

"Because we always make him start with a €100,000 debt," Egypt replied smoothly.

After an hour they got a call from Germany stating the world meeting was cancelled because of heavy traffic and the nations already there didn't have to come next time. Of course the nations who now obtained a get out of conference pass screamed in delight and dashed out the cursed building.

"Egypt when everyone is having the world meeting how about you come over to our slumber party?" Hungary called.

"Sure I'll wear my pretty pink night shirt and matching pants!" Egypt teased.


End file.
